Repeat of the past

So if you are wondering I have been still not following the bandwagon. Imagine that. Me not staying on my plan. I'm tired, tired of not being able to eat what I want, tired of having to excessively exercise, and tired of not being happy with myself. My weight has slowly creeped back up now having only kept off 5 of my original pounds. NOt acceptable. I shall not buy new jeans. I will stay in my cute VS jeans I just bought a few months ago. But where or when does it click in my head to stay with the plan. The answer is simple. I don't know. Maybe I need counseling for my obsession with my weight. I know that our new year's resolution is always lose weight, look great. But I truly want to make peace within myself, to love me for me, just as I am whatever that may be and be the healthiest me I can be. Yep I know I sound like a broken record but its okay... Maybe, maybe this time I will succeed. I have no timeline except to fit my jeans good by spring, pretty basic.. We shall see. I am waiting my first 10 lb loss treat is my nails getting done. I'm excited yet still not motivated. lol... oh well.. till my next vent!!!!