After the party!!!

Well I honestly didn't do to bad yesterday, for my son's b-day! Had real tacos... oh yes with chips and sour cream and sauce....YUUMMMYY......and a slice of cheesecake..... super yummy.....

So all in all not bad. As of this week I am down 1 pound...woohoo... yeah.. NOT...wish it were 10 and then I'd only have like 15 to go...oh well...

Wanted to report on my little slip but nothing major.......until next time...

Things that make you go Hhmmmm

Well in this last few days what is new... Well I can honestly say I'm not down as much as I wanted to be this past week but truthfully although trying to stay on plan 100%, life happens and you make changes.. So I am kinda beating myself up about it but not too much.

My hubs told me that I need to work my way into this diet like he does with trying to quit smoking. He said just cut out small things not all gung hoe.....LOL.. yeah right. Anyone who struggles with weight know you can't do that. But I have found myself doing just that.

I will say my mental struggle this time is excruciating. I am starved all the time and water is not cutting it. I am hoping this is a sign, a sign that is telling me that my body is a hotrod and I'm running on premium......LOL.. But, sometimes I think its just cutting down the normal portion to tiny all over again. Although I have found that even though I am stuffed I still want to eat crap.. not physically needing to eat but mentally breaking myself down... Why, why do I do such things. I don't know..

Okay positives we went for approximately a 3 1/2 mile hike on Sunday... yeah... unstable terrain hefting a 26 lb baby in a backpack.. yeah to hills and ass burnage... suprisingly I am not sore today... really thought I was gonna be....so some progress is made.

I am a little nervous for the detour I might make tomorrow. It is my oldest son Gage's 9th birthday and he wanted cheesecake with cherries on top... WHY, WHY... it is like a temptation you don't want to say NO too... It is my most favoritist thing in the world.. New York Cheesecake and cherries... YYYYUUUUMMMMMMMMMYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hopefully a small sliver and I will be good......It's about moderation right.

okay.. will update mid week.. off to hang decorations.....

until later.....Oohhh one more thing. My friend DAWN... is joining me tomorrow... YEAH... someone to feel my pain and struggle with me......

HOLIO SHITSKY!!!!!!!!!

Wow is all I got. Seriously I knew this was gonna suck, again but man I forgot how bad. I am a raging BITCH!!! Pissed off for the simple fact that I can't eat what I want. Well if I am honest with myself there is more than that and I will tell you all.

I am MAD.... Mad at the fact that I am still 30 lbs overweight and have to work so hard to get it off. Mad that I am not one of those people who can eat whatever, whenever and it stay off or I be naturally thin. I am mad that I don't have a magic pill. I am mad that it didn't all fall of in the first six weeks. I am mad how my body has turned out after 3 children. and finally I am just mad because I understand this plan works but I want to know why, why can't I eat corn, watermelon, grapes, or peas.... I mean really, REALLY... they are fruits and veggies how bad can they really be.......

Whhheeewww... wow kinda feel better after that. I can't believe how bothered I am. I am hoping that venting all my frustration and angst will stop me from going and eating a piece of watermelon... YEAH that's right WATERMELON... so here I sit venting to you and drinking crystal light peach tea dreaming of watermelon, grapes, corn, peas, and popsicles. yep I'm avoiding temptation the best way I know how. if this doesn't work I'll start calling people....lol

thanks for letting me vent... until next time...

Here I go again!!!!

As I am starting this 6 weeks of hell all over again I decided I best change a few things. As I believe you cannot truly see my weight loss only in my face I decided to switch up my photos on board. The first is taken May 2009 which is 6 months after my last son was born. I have to say when I see my current photo in comparison to my older one I can say I see a difference. some in my face and all over my body. But (my friend Dawn loves my but's....lol) My BOOBS are no longer that nice. still large ( I only dropped the band size not a cup size) but no where near as perky and enhanced by milk. So this is why I will definitely, I mean most definitely be enhancing myself, to regain my youth.

I have been neglecting my blog and for this I am sorry. I need to get back, back to the eating routine, back to writing out my successes and failures, and hopefully keep feeling great. So after my month long hiatus of eating shitty food ( which was really yummy food indeed), technically not to bad though. I went on vacation for 2 weeks and survived 2 periods and I gained a total of 4 pounds back. Which I do believe is all water retention because I was eating salt again. (of course I feel like my fingers and toes are little piggy's since we got back 1 1/2 weeks ago, so I'm pretty sure that water is the culprit)...lol... oh well time to get this off.

I had been begging, begging for negative motivation-- much to my dismay I did not receive much help.. My sister tried with her weak willed attempts and still does because she loves me but they are not working. My close friend flat out refused and my hubby he just laughed and said NO..... But I finally, finally found some motivation. If I expose the culprit it might stop and then I would be sad.. so for right now I will leave it a mystery and hopefully my plan is to keep on track. So how is my progress you say well let me tell you.

I thought today being day 1 ( and since I have been eating whatever I want whenever I want) I thought that I would truly be starving... But ironically I only got seriously hungry around afternoon snack and it was time to eat so all was well. I will admit to sweet cravings tonight but nothing that a little water and fruit won't cure. So how do I rate today.. actually pretty good. Not as bad as I remember or maybe I felt like I was eating worse than I actually was. .....lol... which is probably true to some degree. I mean don't we all see the worst in ourselves. I believe we do. I keep telling the friends I have another solid 20 maybe 25 lbs before I will be truly happy and they laugh at me and tell me I am skinny but I just don't see it. I see small changes but I know what I look like naked.....lol.. and yeah it ain't pretty. So on I forge...

Now we shall see if I can finish this journey of if I must be on this for a few more months. Wish me luck and I'll talk with you soon.