MOTIVATION

Hello Again, this has been a long time coming. Haven't felt the need to blog and discuss my failures of continuing the weightloss journey but all the weight gain.. AGAIN. I am always amazed at the inner struggle and turmoil I feel about my weight. It is so not healthy....

So what has changed honestly my mind set. In 1 February I was approached with an opportunity to be appart of a biggest loser competition for a month, and took that opportunity... Well it has been 3 1/2 weeks in Almost finished and where am I in the standings.. Honestly I am at the bottom of the barrel for loss ( there is much heavier people involved and they lose more faster) but I have managed to lose 5 pounds, lots of inches and I am making exercise and food calorie counting a habit again. I feel different this time. I am not after a specific number per say... lol.. although 150 sounds great even size 10/12... but honestly i just want healthy, healthy for me. As long as I can run, keep up with my kiddos and hubby, and just generally be mentally healthy. So I am continuing on with my new healthy habits and the Insanity program. If you haven't tried it. Get it... can't believe the places I have toned in a short period of time.... Continue on until I feel I want to slow down....

Keep you posted.....

PRogress Update

Well if you are wondering how I am doing I would say fair. I didn't get in the workout the first 2 days of the program due to my youngest son thinking mom needed to wake up at 3 am after going to bed at midnight. Not cool. Then yesterday was no treadmill but 20 minutes of wood chopping and 30 minutes of shoveling snow. Surprisinly that burned like 600 calories and I got my chores done....lol.. Caloric intake has been perfect the last 2 days, was slightly over by 100 calories or so the day prior. The scale is not my friend. Water retention is high but I don't know why when I'm drinking like a gallon a day... Oh well maybe the treadmill sweating will get it out.

So after my decision that I need to be able to run steady. I got on the website for couch to 5k training. Awesome. shows me how to increase stamina and all.. Everyone check it out.

Okay outta here for the night on to another day!!!!

New Goals

Well I officially now have myself a challenge. My hubs has just left for Prudhoe Bay to work for 2 months and I want to be smokin hot for his return....(although he tells me I'm perfect just as I am) But none the less... It is my goal to lose as much as possible prior to his return. I am setting my goal at 20 pounds. this is truly only 5 pounds more than I lost last time, cuz shocker I gained all but 5 back.... PPOOOO Oh well no crying over spilled milk. I have often thought I might benefit from counseling and this might be something I try.. we shall see. But in the meantime I will be using all the tools and resources that I have, 1- Spark people and 6WBMO for eating inspiration, 2- Exercise videos, the damn hamster wheel, carmen electra, Just Dance 3, and Biggest loser video games.... It is so simple yet I make it so hard. So I thought after reading some more weightloss blogs that I should post weekly goals. I have eight weeks starting tomorrow so my weekly weightloss goals as follows.

Start Weight: 186
GW1- 182
GW2-180
GW3-177
GW4- 175
GW5-172
GW6-170
GW7- 168
GW8-165

That is broken down. I will be posting my weekly loss each week. So what is the plan. Watching calories, using sparkpeople for food logging, exercising something everyday. I do believe that I will start Insanity next week as it never panned out due to Aunt Flow last month.. yuck!!! I will wallk/jog on the hamster wheel. I am going to make up a workout calender (heard this was supposed to help because you just see what you need to do and do it. ) we shall see if that works. I am going to try.. I am tired of myself, the way I look, and my degrading myself. My hubs tells me all the time I am to hard on myself and I agree there is something wrong in my noodle. So hopefully some weight loss and goal setting will help that.

Now I have never been into running but after being inspired by the show Losing it with Jillian Michaels, I am going to push the running or jogging factor. I need to be able to run 1 mile jogging for myself. I will look into training schedules for this. I love pole dancing and so wish I could do this but no instructor is close. Boo.... So Carmen Electra strip aerobics should do fine, and Hopefully I won't stroke out with Insanity.......Keep posted and wish me luck!!! I'm gonna need it......

Repeat of the past

So if you are wondering I have been still not following the bandwagon. Imagine that. Me not staying on my plan. I'm tired, tired of not being able to eat what I want, tired of having to excessively exercise, and tired of not being happy with myself. My weight has slowly creeped back up now having only kept off 5 of my original pounds. NOt acceptable. I shall not buy new jeans. I will stay in my cute VS jeans I just bought a few months ago. But where or when does it click in my head to stay with the plan. The answer is simple. I don't know. Maybe I need counseling for my obsession with my weight. I know that our new year's resolution is always lose weight, look great. But I truly want to make peace within myself, to love me for me, just as I am whatever that may be and be the healthiest me I can be. Yep I know I sound like a broken record but its okay... Maybe, maybe this time I will succeed. I have no timeline except to fit my jeans good by spring, pretty basic.. We shall see. I am waiting my first 10 lb loss treat is my nails getting done. I'm excited yet still not motivated. lol... oh well.. till my next vent!!!!

Progress

Well this week has truly been a mental struggle for me. Trying to figure out if I can make myself do this again and I think I am getting there. After recent hardtimes in our family I do believe I have the mental capacity to make myself do this.... crossing my fingers. I have been marking down eating in Sparkpeople but not all day. So today is the day.. I have already marked breakfast and I am finding myself torn between not wanting to give up my delicioius coffeecreamer that costs me about 100 calories a morning... Yuck. really 100 calories coffeemate, isn't there a way to create a super tasty version that has no calories. Sugarfree is yucky...blah.....oh well I am willing to sacrificee or workout harder. lol

Well I am recently spurred on for working out by my baby sister, she is now a certified pole instructor and looks amazing. I will be finding pole dancing dvds and use my support beams as my pole in the basement. lol....

To keep myself on track I have decided to set a 10 pound goal for myself. When I reach that goal I get to go and get my nails done. Yeah buddy. So looking forward to nails again...lol....

Wish me luck until next time.

Think it will stick

Well I have decided once again to try this weightloss get healthy lifestyle. I am still self loathing but have not been willing or wanting to change so I decided here I go again. I don't know what is different if anything but I know I want to be where I was a year ago. I felt so much better about myself. I want to see a size 12 hell maybe a 10, at this point I don't even know if that is possible.

What has changed; well I do know my attitude and acceptance that I shall never be super skinny it simply is not in my genetic make up or body and that is okay. Cause honestly beneath my layers of fat I love my figure and will love it more later.

Wish me luck and here I go again!!!

One week down

Hello again... Been a few days since I posted so I figured I better let you know how I am doing... The eating the VLCD is not going so bad after 5 days of extreme hunger my stomach finally shrank and I am not that hungry that often.... I had 2 minor treats this weekend.. 1/2 slice banana bread it was calling my name... NOw had some and I'm not fixating on it. Then yesterday we had no kiddos, sunny, and the hubs and I decided to take a cruise in the vette and he treated me to ice cream.. How could I say no...lol.. NO kids... So me being the 1 out of the 3 of us that didn't cheat failed... but that is all I plan on doing.... On the right track... So if you are wondering how it is going let me tell you...

Official weight: 179
Chest: 41 in
Waist 33
Hips 44....

That is a loss of 8 pounds in 7 days...WWOOOOHHOOO... 1 in off my chest and waist and 5/8 in off my hips... I am feeling so much better mentally about myself and my clothes aren't as snug... Nice bonus.....

Well I'm off to another day.. Good luck and happy weightloss!!!