Repeat of the past

So if you are wondering I have been still not following the bandwagon. Imagine that. Me not staying on my plan. I'm tired, tired of not being able to eat what I want, tired of having to excessively exercise, and tired of not being happy with myself. My weight has slowly creeped back up now having only kept off 5 of my original pounds. NOt acceptable. I shall not buy new jeans. I will stay in my cute VS jeans I just bought a few months ago. But where or when does it click in my head to stay with the plan. The answer is simple. I don't know. Maybe I need counseling for my obsession with my weight. I know that our new year's resolution is always lose weight, look great. But I truly want to make peace within myself, to love me for me, just as I am whatever that may be and be the healthiest me I can be. Yep I know I sound like a broken record but its okay... Maybe, maybe this time I will succeed. I have no timeline except to fit my jeans good by spring, pretty basic.. We shall see. I am waiting my first 10 lb loss treat is my nails getting done. I'm excited yet still not motivated. lol... oh well.. till my next vent!!!!

Progress

Well this week has truly been a mental struggle for me. Trying to figure out if I can make myself do this again and I think I am getting there. After recent hardtimes in our family I do believe I have the mental capacity to make myself do this.... crossing my fingers. I have been marking down eating in Sparkpeople but not all day. So today is the day.. I have already marked breakfast and I am finding myself torn between not wanting to give up my delicioius coffeecreamer that costs me about 100 calories a morning... Yuck. really 100 calories coffeemate, isn't there a way to create a super tasty version that has no calories. Sugarfree is yucky...blah.....oh well I am willing to sacrificee or workout harder. lol

Well I am recently spurred on for working out by my baby sister, she is now a certified pole instructor and looks amazing. I will be finding pole dancing dvds and use my support beams as my pole in the basement. lol....

To keep myself on track I have decided to set a 10 pound goal for myself. When I reach that goal I get to go and get my nails done. Yeah buddy. So looking forward to nails again...lol....

Wish me luck until next time.

Think it will stick

Well I have decided once again to try this weightloss get healthy lifestyle. I am still self loathing but have not been willing or wanting to change so I decided here I go again. I don't know what is different if anything but I know I want to be where I was a year ago. I felt so much better about myself. I want to see a size 12 hell maybe a 10, at this point I don't even know if that is possible.

What has changed; well I do know my attitude and acceptance that I shall never be super skinny it simply is not in my genetic make up or body and that is okay. Cause honestly beneath my layers of fat I love my figure and will love it more later.

Wish me luck and here I go again!!!

One week down

Hello again... Been a few days since I posted so I figured I better let you know how I am doing... The eating the VLCD is not going so bad after 5 days of extreme hunger my stomach finally shrank and I am not that hungry that often.... I had 2 minor treats this weekend.. 1/2 slice banana bread it was calling my name... NOw had some and I'm not fixating on it. Then yesterday we had no kiddos, sunny, and the hubs and I decided to take a cruise in the vette and he treated me to ice cream.. How could I say no...lol.. NO kids... So me being the 1 out of the 3 of us that didn't cheat failed... but that is all I plan on doing.... On the right track... So if you are wondering how it is going let me tell you...

Official weight: 179
Chest: 41 in
Waist 33
Hips 44....

That is a loss of 8 pounds in 7 days...WWOOOOHHOOO... 1 in off my chest and waist and 5/8 in off my hips... I am feeling so much better mentally about myself and my clothes aren't as snug... Nice bonus.....

Well I'm off to another day.. Good luck and happy weightloss!!!

4th day into VLCD

Hello all... Today is the official 4th day into the VLCD and I am proud to say down almost 2 more pounds. Weighed in today at 181.2... YEAH Baby... go, go, go... I did walk 35 minutes yesterday but much slower than I am used to... Got a little dizzy, can't imagine why..lmao.......so gonna walk every other day besides all my daily running around..

So if you are wondering, yes, I am hungry all day.. thought it would be getting better but its not. I am fighting myself everyday. I am hoping that one day soon the constant hunger stops. It is not painful just I know it is there and I fight temptations but the willpower and want is strong enough to resist......

I stayed in my calorie range of 509 calories yesterday.... Woohoo......okay off to drink more water and coffee!!!

Happy weight loss.....

A new day

Good morning,

It is another day and I figured I better weigh in... So my weight this morning....drum roll please 183..Woohoo another 2 pounds gone. I actually stepped on the scale and it said 180, and I had to do a double take, reposition the scale, then finally I'm like that can't be right... let it shut off, turned it back on and bam 183.0 and it has been consistent for a few times....lol... had to check....

So let me say that I was hungry all day yesterday... I chugged almost a gallon of water and the hunger was there...Although I will say it is not pains just stomach growling and me wanting to eat everything.

Why is it that when you tell yourself you can't have those things you want them more. My new idea this time is... I am doing this plan/fad by choice.. So if I truly wanted the crackers or bread or whatever I would eat it right!!! WRONG!!! because I choose to be thinner this time.....I'm hoping baring my soul and numbers will keep me on the weightloss track!!!

Will update tomorrow... Happy weight loss!!!

Results of the Weigh in

Good Morning,

So yesterday was the first official start of the Very low calorie diet... Figured I better post my yesterday stats so we can see how this changes. I think I will post my weight every few days and weekly measurements..... So here is the official weight first thing in the am was 187.6 but after being up and about and having a cup of coffee and ditching some of the water retention was 186.8... this is up a few pounds due to my loading days... not cool I say not cool... I"m gonna say the official start weight was

Weight 187

Measurements:
Chest: 42
waist: 34
Hips: 44 1/2 (UUGGGHHH) Photo of me on July 4, 2011

These are definitely not the Ideal 36, 24, 36....lol but hopefully they will shrink in the month to come.


So on to the day I did bike about 11 miles yesterday which is not recommended but it was my first day and I had just got done loading up, so i figured I was safe. But since the caloric intake is so low on this diet I figured I will make a point to walk at least 4 days a week maybe 5 but for only 30-45 minute session. I am gonna play it safe and see how I feel when walking, If I need to adjust I will.

The very low calorie diet (vlcd) went pretty well....I was hungry at times but nothing a little mental push and water won't cure....lol.....I wanted to see how many calories I truly at, so I used my Sparkpeople.com account and came in at 538, so for a 500 calorie a day diet... I was right on target..Woohoo... I am monitoring my progress on sparkpeople to... cause I like graphs and they graph everything for me...

So day two is here and the official weigh in today was 185.. Not to bad couple pounds gone... WOOhooo...Wish me luck today and I shall report back later.....

Happy weight loss!!!

HCG Diet

Well after trying the calorie counting thing and not truly losing anything quickly and with my self-loathing at an all time high. I need to do something and do something quick. So after talking with Dawn (who secretly started this without my knowledge) I am now trying the HCG diet. Of course because I have issues with hormones we are starting the HCG Platinum X-30 which is an all natural herbal version of HCG with the same effects as the hormones. I am sad I am jumping on the fad diet band wagon but I need to do something to help me and help me fast. I am almost feeling like self destruction and I need a pick me up.

Well as I stated before my doctor appointment went.. you guessed it normal. All blood work was perfect with the exception of my thyroid it was almost abnormal. But not enough to treat. So I still feel tired, dry hair, nails, skin, weight gain, you name it I got it. So Now I am also trying the natural doctors and I have this appointment on the 19th, I am gonna do this to see if some supplements might help regulate my wacky system. Cross your fingers for me.

Well I officially started the HCG thing yesterday. This is by far the weirdest diet to date for me. The first two days you take the oral drops and eat horrible. I mean eat whatever you want... sky's the limit, no caloric boundaries.. Here is the funny thing. I don't want any of it. been forcing myself to eat bad... But tomorrow is the day I officially start the very low calorie diet of 500 calories a day.....Now I know this may seem extreme but the HCG drops actually target your abnormal fat and tell your body to eat it, in turn you are burning more than enough calories to sustain and not feel weird..... Dawn keeps telling me to eat, eat, eat so I won't be hungry... I am trying......lol... so feel i almost feel sick.....I will post stats tomorrow... more weight gain, shocker and inches for you all... I'm baring it all this time.... what else do I have to lose...

Until the am......

Here I go AGAIN, AGAIN

Well this is definitely not the first time I've said this but I'm hoping its the last so here is goes... Here I go AGAIN!!! Yep that's rights I've managed to gain back about 13 of the 19 pounds I lost last summer and to say I am only dissappointed doesn't even begin to notate how I feel.

I feel like a failure- I am so extremely disappointed with myself I can hardly stand it, the shame of my size 14 getting snugger in the ass ( so not cool)- I am almost to the point of some selfhatred for the simple reason of knowning that I had it gone and it should have stayed gone. I guess I didn't anticipate that even though I stopped the 6 WBMO and continued to eat similarly, I didn't anticipate wanting to eat somewhat normal with my family.

I came to the realization that I need to find a way to take off this weight that ties me down mentally and somewhat physically in a better way. I bought the eat right for your blood type and have learned a few tricks on what I should and shouldn't be eating for a healthy me, not for weight loss but for health. I can make lots of excuses as to why it didn't stay off but the main reason is me and me alone. I knew better, and I know what works and doesn't work for me.

Currently I have contacted my doctor for hormonal and possible thyroid issues. I feel not normal and have gained a few pounds in the last month with eating and exercising normally... So I am wondering if I have some physical hinderance inside me that I need to fix. I shall find out on the 27th......I can honestly say I hope something turns up abnormally and they can help me feel more energized and normal hormonally (I'm like a crazy woman over here...lol)

So if you are wondering what I will be doing this time it is simple, I have known it all along, eat fewer calories and exercise. With the help of Sparkpeople.com, I get to track calories , workouts, and water. This site has great info, success stories, blogs, HELP when needed all for FREE!!! Yep its FREE.... I officially started using the site yesterday and of course I was over my allotted caloric intake by 250, so not to bad really but still BAD!!!!! I am hoping that I can get my head in the game and make good choices but allow life to happen......

Will post later with results......Oh in case you are wondering... Starting weight today: 183 :( Picture is of me a week ago!!!!

Official Start for 6WBMO

So here it is Sunday the official start day for me & Dawn to restart the 6WBMO... Yes this is not going to be fun. We are going to struggle, call each other whining & complaining, stating how unfair it is that we were born with bodies that do not like to lose weight easily. But you know what... It is worth it for a only 6 weeks to see how far we will get. More than likely we will be on this for longer but that is okay. All in the name of health and fitness goals.

Wish us luck. Tomorrow is the official weigh in and measuring day.... I can not be beat this first week.. Seriously gotta get on the treadmill and Wii this week. I will keep you posted of all activities to keep me more accountable.......

Wish us luck...

Let us say Ouch!!!

Oh yes, the pain in my legs from jogging for the past two days and doing the Wii Biggest loser challenges had kicked by legs ass... Pushed myself harder yesterday than the day before and the ole leg muscles are feeling the burn.

I feel like I can't make it up the damn stairs they are so sore. So today, today is a Wii Yoga kinda day I am thinking. Time to loosen up some muscles and burn some calories.

Well Off I go.. just wanted to complain...lol...

Private Roadblocks!

What I've come to realize this last year and fighting with my weightlosses and gains is that I have the tools to change my body I have done it before I will do it again. But what I thought would be the hardest part of losing weight was the actual diet and exercise I could not even fathom that the mental struggle could be my undoing. Fighting my head and telling myself that no I don't need that and yes I need to exercise more.

The constant thoughts of This is so unfair! Why do I always have to struggle? Why have I never been happy in my own skin? Why isn't this easy? Why didn't I get the thin genes that my mother carries and my father used to be? Why me? Why me? The constant I don't think I can do this! I don't wanna push myself any farther! I can't run any longer or I will fall off! All of these thoughts in my head are my own private roadblocks imprisoning me in a body that I am not happy with. A body that I am trying to accept just as it is. A body that will never be model thin. This mental anguish has the capability to bring me down.

I know I am strong enough physically, mentally as well yet I have to take baby steps on the road to mental wellness. I can honestly say my journey halfway began last year when I proved to myself that I could lose weight. I lost 19 lbs to be exact. I am extremely mad at myself that I gained 11 of them back. But it is alright. They will be gone again. I realized a change in myself about a month ago or slightly more when I was discussing once again with my husband if I could do this. He always is very positive and tells me I can. Then like a lightbulb that you turn on entering a room he was like "Ang, don't you get the thrill to push yourself harder? To see what you are made of?" Honestly I told him no. I was scared of falling off the treadmill or falling down and collapsing. My adrenline junky husband replied simply "I love the unknown and that feeling." "Ang, you can do it" Those few short sentences have been constantly in the back of my mind but in particular when I am working out. Why did I never push myself harder before. Was I truly scared of what the outcome might be or of what will happen to me when I look and feel better. I honestly don't know the answer to that question. But I do know that since that day I have accomoplished things that I never have before. I was a woman who ran in one minute increments and who wouldn't do more than 3 minutes in a 45 minute time frame. Was this due to fear, maybe. Weakness, maybe. Self loathing, maybe that as well. But now I reached my small goal of jogging for 10 minutes solid. I was so excited. that was a feat not accomplished since highschool and if I am honest with myself not since junior high. That is a long time to be missing out on life.

This is what I have come to understand. That by not pushing myself harder to try, then I am truly missing out on great experiences. I mean honestly what can happen to me during a workout. So I puke, oh well, so I fall off the damn treadmill, nothing like a little road rash...lol....But that is it.. Only a small amount of physical discomfort for a lifetime of richness. I want to be the active kids my mom and hubby want. I don't want to sit back anymore.

This is where I have learned to push myself now. Beyond my barriers to experience wonderful and enlightening things. I am a happier person, a better wife and mother for it. Today I reached another goal. I jogged for 14 of my 30 minutes on my treadmill and accomplished 2 miles in that time. Let me say that I had to run in increments 10 at first, took a 2 minute break decided I could do it again, ran for 1 minute, told myself my legs hurt to bad, walked for 5 more, than at 27 minutes into the routine with .25 miles to go I turned up the speed and ran at 5.5 mph to reach my 30 minute goal with 2 miles. I did it. I did feel the pain in my legs and my lungs but i pressed on. This is tremendous. I have set yet another goal for myself and that is to jog/run a 10 minute mile within the next month. I will accomplish this and will report to whoever is reading.

This is a post of personal insight. Something I hope some of you understand. I want to say thank you, Thank you to my hubs for turning on that light in me. I appreciate it more than he knows. This is only the beginning and I will succeed........

The dawn of a new Wednesday!!

Well I have been officially on "plan" for three days.... had a few mistakes due to life happening. Had to work late and grabbed a salad from the store instead of making my own but it was a salad and not deli food so that is progress...All in all it has been going well. Seeing a little weight come off so that is something.....

My plan today is to get home at my normal time, fix lunch, get my youngest to nap then I get to have an hour to myself to the treadmill and wii fit. Probably will attempt situps today as well. I do get some ab workout in the wii fit game but not as much as I would like......

After my last post, Dawn informed me that it was so on... Well since our amount of weight loss that we need to lose we decided that body fat would be a better indicator every week... We came to the conclusion that we need to lose between 1.5 - 2 % of our body fat a week.....yeah.. I seriously gotta get my ass in gear... But this will allow us to reach our Pound for Pound challenge goal by the end of May....Wish us luck..

So here is to a happy day and wishing you all luck.....Oh yeah and Friday is the day for measuring....just case Dawn reads this....I am so beating you this week....lol... Until next time.....

Motivation

One word that truly effects how my weight loss is going. Without motivation I seriously fall off the exercise wagon and eating wrong plan....lol....After speaking with Dawn the other day and discussing how we are going to make ourselves stay on plan and lose my 30 pounds that I pledged to the pound for pound challenge by the end of May. Dawn has motivation in a quote from a loss support group mother which was brutually honest and might be somewhat helpful for me but not truly like it would be for her. I sympathize with Dawn but I do not truly know what her experiences felt like so for this quote will not truly work for me.

So after some discussion we decided that we will start weighing in at my house every week. We thought that the shame and embarassment of not showing the scale moving should bbe more than enough motivation...lol.. I have to say right now it sounds good. I mean although I let you all know my numbers it is not the same as seeing them in person.......This should definitely help me and the added bonus of seeing Dawn lose more than me will keep me spurred on more.. I mean she cannot beat me....lol... although she might...but ssshhh don't tell her that....

Okay so Tomorrow is the true day... I have to stick on plan for 6 weeks. I mean it is only 6 weeks. I have done this for months before I can do this again... lots of water and gum here I come and telling myself I am not hungry, I am not hungry..... and all that yumminess is really crappy and nasty tasting. Yes, yes that is it.....

Okay body get ready, here we come for a change. You and me, we can do this.........On to feeling better, smaller pants, and turning of heads.....lol..

Sick Kids not good for the on plan eating

Well as you can imagine with sick children around I have not been eating on plan basically at all. It is amazing to me that even though I know better I am still grabbing the quick fix items. I thoroughly enjoyed my bowl of cereal yesterday morning although I will say that I paid for it... I am lactose intolerant since the pregnancy of my second child 7 years ago and I decided to use regular milk instead of Lactaid.... Holy smokes when you don't drink dairy anyway but then cut it out of your diet... Yoowweee cramp city..... So although it totally tasted yummy in the end it was not worth it........

I am thankful for my massive amounts of salad that I cut up earlier in the week and my extra grilled chicken.... Those items have allowed for somewhat sensible eating at lunch and dinner but I have not been getting in my snacks.......

I find it amazing that once again I put my child's needs before mine.. I mean honestly we do this as mother's but why don't I just take the extra time... Not like I am in a rush or anything, I am at home with him. I actually have no excuse.....

This post is just randomness and thanks for letting my thoughts wonder.....

Another Monday

Another Monday has come and almost gone. Weighed in and its still the same this morning as last week.. CRAP!!!! so I was 95% on plan today... it was either eat a couple handfuls of trailmix or die of starvation at work.. So I figured the trailmix was better than the chips, cookies, crackers with cheese, pretzels, etc.... Maybe not calorically but metabocically it should burn off better right.... Well that is what I am telling myself anyway....lol...

So after remodeling the bathroom from hell this week I have to seriously get on the workout regimen this week. Took a week long hiatus due to Aunt Flow rearing her ugly head last week... So I am back 100%... time to get fit. Have approximately 1 week to lose 4 lbs to meet my 5 pound a month deadline... Wow better seriously stick on plan... I mean no forgiveness and like a gallon of water a day......hhhmmmm.... yes it can be done and I should be able to stay on this thing for 6 weeks. I mean I know it seems like forever but truly it is only 6 weeks........So here we go again. Off to Fairbanks again tomorrow so I am planning on snack and salad for lunch.... Should be a okay right... We shall see ...

Will report again tomorrow..... Wish me luck and happy weightloss to you all!!!!

Setting Mini Goals & Final!

"The tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach." Benjamin Mays

So I have been thinking about this quote by Mr. Mays and even with my goal weight of 145-150 set I figure I better have some treats along the way to help pave the road to success. Deciding what little treats I want to give myself when I reach goals has been tough. Since this is not my first rodeo on the weight loss...lol.. I figured I better pick ones that will really keep me motivated to see this followed through. These treats are something only generally only allow if I am seriously sore or take my sister shopping and never pamper myself. By reaching for my mini treats I think motivation will stay with me. So I am going to let everyone know what they are, maybe it will hold me more accountable again.

1) After 10 pounds of weightloss I have decided on a massage!!!!

2) After 15 pounds of weight loss I will have my hair done!

3) After 20 pounds I get to shop at Nordstroms!

4) After 25 pounds on to Shopping at Banana Republic

5) After 30 pounds I will shop some more at Fredrick's of Hollywood (love there lingerie & bras)

6) Goal of 35 pounds- this is my end goal so I figure I better have the big one for this which is a Pinup Girl Photo shoot for myself. I love vargas girls and I am hoping I can pull it off.


With these mini goals set and telling all of you, I believe this time I will allow myself to actually have them. No excuses for no treats, money, time, and effort doesn't matter. No matter if I get frustrated at shopping and not wanting to take time for myself. Dammit I will do this, because this is me time. Me time I promised myself yesterday....

So here is to all of us!!! Set some goals for yourself of selfishness and see if it helps you too!!!

Random thoughts!!

Okay so yesterday I had to go to Fairbanks to check out an ambulance for work and I knew it wouldn't be that great of an eating day.. But I did start out good... I had my 2 egg whites, hard boiled with a medium banana. Didn't want to carry an insulator bag to keep my snack eggwhite cool so I just opted for my small apple... So I ate both breakfast then 3 hours later my apple (that was at 9 am) so after all my meetings, running around, and shopping it was 2 pm before I even thought of lunch or my next snack... needless to sayI needed to hurry back home for the 1 1/2-2 hours drive to pick up the kids.... So what the hey let me stop by Wendy's and grab a chicken sandwich.. Seriously contemplated a salad but with the roads being so icy figured one hand was needed for the steering wheel instead for driving with my knees... OMG did I pay for it later.. Could only eat 1/2 of the sandwich before my stomach was like NO MORE, No MORE GREASE!!!! talk about not good.... Wow so wasn't worth it... Next time I will stick with the salad.......lol... But my random thought is why didn't I just take the time and stop and eat.. I mean do I want to be healthier. I cannot believe because I had to be home quickly I ended up torturing myself and it is my own fault. When will I make myself the priority. I am trying yet it is not happening.

I think this is something all mother go through. I guess its part of the job. I just have to figure the balance thing out I guess more me time.....wow I feel guilty just saying that....LOL.. that is so sad.....okay so my promise is to give myself 1 - 1 1/2 hours of me time a day working out and chillaxing. Sounds good now let's see if I can do it.

Almost Human

Well sorry I haven't reported for a few days but honestly not much been happening. Working out has not been happening since Sunday due to the constant dizziness and passout like feelings that have come with this period. Eating has been almost 100% on plan with the exception of 1/2 cup of icecream last night...So not to bad.

I got this website from Leslie a friend and group member of our Pound for Pound challenge of myfitnesspal.com. This site is totally awesome lets you put in eating, tracking calories and workouts all for FREE!!!!!!!! I love freebies.....

I did weigh in on Tuesday and surprisingly is was 183 being bloated and on my period and totally puffy so yeah.. maybe I lost a pound or two.....we shall see next week...planning on working out tonight after I paint the bathroom some more.. Well I guess I consider that a workout..lol I did pain for the last 2 days so at least I was active in someway.....lol...

Oh well until the next time.....

GIVE IN SUNDAY

That's right I did it... I couldn't handle all the yumminess calling my name on this first day of hell week... So I consciously decided what the hell and I'm giving in...So that is what I have done.. Needless to say we have had sodas, candy, pizza, and to top it all off now I'm washing it back with an orange juice, grenadine, and Skky Vodka yumminess... Yep life is good today.. Think I'll follow it with a small 1/3 cup bowl of Ice cream... Oh by the way... This food has all been in moderation just not great food....LOL....Yeah I know doesn't really matter but it sounded good...

Also no working out for the fact that I am so weak and pale today feel like I'm gonna pass out. Although I did finally get all the Christmas stuff down and putaway and house spotless... So I did do something... Now time to veg....

Will report tomorrow...

Rough week is coming!

This week inevitable. One I do not look forward to every month. A week that brings on fantasies and cravings of junkfood such as above.... I mean they look so yummy in those pictures... But trust me I would not appreciate them ending up on my hips and ass... So the image of me looking like a beached whale with rolls upon rolls is helping me this menstrual cycle........

I am fighting, fighting, fighting the cravings. I will admit I gave in slightly today via a few Hershey's kisses and a Grape Soda....I know... I'm sorry I so cheated but only slightly with the ever present thoughts cellulite approaching........

Off to workout again in an hour... gotta let the food (homemade spaghetti sauce minus the salt, made with splenda & rice noodles that end of looking like calamari) Actually very tasty and filling with a side of fresh tomato slices.... So honestly not to bad for Day 1 of hell week.......

Please help me stay strong.........Until next time

Children = ruined body

Oh yeah, I'm going there today...... Really I mean do I have to be punished for the rest of my life for carrying and giving birth to the apple's of my eyes.... and the answer is most definitely yeah. So besides the fact that after 3 years of nursing (at separte intervals between 3 children) I now have pancake boobs that the only way they will see north is via the Plastic Surgeon.. (which will happen eventually) and then there is the stomach full of zebra striped marks due to the rapid expansion of baby and not enough skin in my first and second pregnancy......I am more than happy to have these as there is money that can fix them and modern medicine that is wonderful....

But what I don't understand, seriously what I don't get is WHY? Why I ask do I have to pee myself when I exercise now.... Oh yes I said it.... I am now wearing pads with workouts... or maybe I should invest in depends....I mean no matter how many kegels I do it does not help.. Stress incontinence is not fun when trying to do jumping jacks... You can laugh now.. cause I have to laugh at myself....This is something every woman should be told before having children... This could be a consequence......I mean I feel like a grandma here... JEEEZZZ.....

Okay this is probably a subject no one wanted to hear but one I had to rant because I am tired of feeling like I'm gonna pee myself.....

But on a positive note I did 43 minutes of Yoga and jog/walked 1.75 miles in 32 minutes...WOOHOoo.... Eating almost 85%......Off to chop more wood.....til next time

Habits

"The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." Samuel Johnson

Isn't this quote so completely true..... I mean really my bad habits never bothered me before.. I don't even think I noticed them. But all of a sudden when I'm trying to make a change... WHAM!!! there they are like a brick wall... I want to fall into them. I have more than once.. I don't consider it failure but a speed bump on the path to wellness... yeah, yeah.. i like that.... sounds good.. Now I have to believe it myself.....

Honestly did you ever think that losing weight could seriously be this hard... I thought I would be down some pounds, but really I should have known better.. I mean I was only 75% on plan, On plan with an eating lifestyle that actually took away the pounds without much effort but I had to give up so much... I mean can I really think I can live without bread, salt, dairy, or fat for the rest of my life... I can honestly say no....Do I think that allowing myself small things is okay... well the answer should be no but this time I will say yes... because I am going to work out more. Yes, that is the real key with me... I don't like it, I actually hate it... I find that I don't mind working out in the summer, actually it never feels like working out... I mean I walk while my kids bikeride for 3-4 miles, thats just family fun, jumping on the trampoline for an hour with the boys, that's just fun... family hikes, fun, swimming, fun... running around in the yard playing tag, fun.......

in the winter I loathe the treadmill and elliptical sometimes I feel like I'm a hamster in the wheel... oh there its the same thing... oh wait, nope same scenery. I mean truly how can 30 minutes seem so long.. It actually boggles my mind... I am so very thankful that my guys got me the Wii fit and that my mom got me the Biggest loser game... Thought I was gonna pass out on that game today but honestly that was the fastest 30 minute workout I have had since the summer.... So maybe, I can do this. Well I will do it no matter if I like it or not but maybe I might see the time fly by and have fun......

Well here is to me trying to break old habits......Wish me luck until next time...

Another Wednesday

Well do you want me to be honest here I will... I weighed today still feeling really puffy, you know the feeling where your fingers and toes don't want to move because they are so swollen with fluid...Well it happened again...so the scaled lied again (I truly think I am about 2 pounds lighter, cause the rings barely fit this morning they were tight, and tonight they will barely stay on) but it was still 183.2... I didn't get in enough workout and could have eaten better...

But I'm not after a quick fix.. I'm after dealing with real life, eating in moderation and getting it off with good old hard work and eating better..

So yesterday as you can see I started the Pound for Pound challenge, created a team and all.. Yay... I pledged 30 pounds to lose by May 31, 2011.. that is a lot... I got to drop 5 pounds per month. Can I do.... I'm saying yes, with hard work and dedication......I know this will probably be the hardest 30 pounds and I am gonna do it..

Well with being a mother of three and difficulty having the time to workout or being able to workout alone is difficult. I tried jogging today on the treadmill but my two year old son, Rowdy wanted to join in so at 5 minutes in, he decided he needed to jump on.. Mom freaked and needless to say, I'm gonna have to run later tonight and do the Wii Biggest loser.....

I'm deciding I need to workout in the morning even though I hate it. I'm tired, not awake draggin ass and feel like I'll hurl.. Oh well if its the only me time I get I supposed I need to wake up 45 minutes early....Let's see how it goes...Will report tomorrow....

Pound for Pound Challenge

So I've started a Team for the Biggest Loser Pound for Pound challenge.....

Here is our link:

https://www.pfpchallenge.com

Check it out!!! Join

The Xtreme Alaska Crew

Tuesday, tuesday

Well I had weighed Monday but with my fingers and toes feeling like sausages when I woke up, due to the 90 degree weather indoors courtesy of the "Blaze King" woodstove.. I totally believe it is not 100 % acurate.... Since Monday was a 75% fall off the wagon eating kinda day... Oh yeah Tracy I will still give you crap.... cause I give myself crap too......I have had a 100% on plan day and I am going to post my weight one day this week.....

I got the Biggest Loser Challenge workout for the Wii fit balance board... Love it... tested my fitness so they could customize a plan and I was less than excited that they told me to start on the Hard level... really.. no beginner, no moderate, no challenge.... The frickin Hard... Think I'm probably gonna die when I do that one tomorrow. Jogged another 10 minutes and walked for 20... so good workout day...

I have decided I am looking into donating pounds on the biggest loser for food for food banks, one pound off = one pound of food... Sounds like a good trade to me and a good goal. I will post the official web page for that when I locate it......

Feeling pretty good today just had a huge number of trips to the ladies due to the almost 1 gallon of water consumption... Oh the joys, struggles, inconveniences, and pains of being an overweight mother of three on a path with my friends for a healthier lifestyle....

HERE'S TO US!!!! no matter how many times we are not 100% on plan or we need a hershey kiss, an oreo, can't work out, can't get motivated we know we have each other to fall back on and that in itself is worth something. We are not alone... I find comfort knowning I have many friends on this same path...

Well off to another day.....

Almost done with the week!

Well it is Sunday today.... I get to weigh tomorrow to see if I lost anything. Hoping I see at least a pound gone that would be good but I have feelings that it shall be the same... Oh well... just keep plugging along.

I have to jog again today, kinda looking forward to it. I'm trying to alternate joggging then walking the next day... Will say how this pans out. Gotta start throwing the Wii fit in there too.....

I have been eating mostly on plan.. I am having a few Hershey Kisses a day trying to combat the cravings and Holiday after effects....LOL... Oh well.....I have been feeling hungry all the time lately I am thinking the ole metabolism is kicking into gear which is a good thing but not a good thing when you are on a diet restriction... Water, gum, and coffee with splenda are my friends lately......

Well will report weight tomorrow.. Although I don't want too... Until next time...

Thoughts today

Good morning, I did some thinking last night, after my high of yes I actually jogged for 10 minutes and talking with my dad.. Why am I wanting to lose weight so bad?

This is a very straightforward question and one I feel that I should answer here on my blog.... I want complete honesty this time.....

I can honestly say that I want to lose weight to feel better about how I look, I want to fit in size 8/10 clothes, and wear a bikini. But what I realized after this past year is that although these things make me feel good and it still isn't for the right reasons....So after some soul searching I decided on a honest answer. I want to be around for my children. I want to be as healthy as I possibly can be to combat all the bad genes within my family history. I want to be there to watch my children grow and have families. I want to be as active as I can be for them and not have to watch on the sidelines. I want to be in the middle of the action and I don't want to be the one to hold them back. As I have three very active boys and and extremely active husband it means I have to kick it up a notch. If I end up staying 170 pounds that is okay......If I stay a size 14.. that is okay as long as I can run, play, and be active with all my guys I think I have found some peace within myself.......

Will write later on the exercise.......

Still in awe and excitement!

I honestly don' t know how many people are reading this blog here of mine, but if you are I hope you understand my struggles and my pain and know that you are not alone in the world....

So if you are wondering why I am excited let me tell you... Today I did something that I hadn't done since highschool days.

Duh, dun, dun.... that's my drum roll....lol

I jogged for 10 solid minutes on the treadmill and went about 3/4 of a mile. I know this doesn't seem like a lot but it truly is. Every time in the past that I had attempted to jog for more than 1 minute at a crack didn't happen. I have been trying to build up my cardio since this summer and have been running in minute increments while walking and had made it too 2 1/2 minutes before... but never, NEVER 10.... I am so totally excited... can you tell...This is a huge accomplishement for me. I am not gonna lie honestly my legs felt like they would collapse and my lungs never felt like I couldn't breathe (which was awesome)... I thought i might actually spit out the back of the treadmill if I didn't go back to high speed walking....lmao... don't

I have been comtemplating how people run marathons.. I mean really how can you run that long and that far.. it is amazing to me. I think I'd like to know what there legs feel like. I will say I admire their drive and determination. It is completely all mind over matter. And I DID IT!!!!!

I know I will be walking tomorrow... we will see if I am up to the run/jog again.....

Off to bed for me just had to share the news......

Official Weigh In

Wow still can't believe I'm gonna post this crap... I have reached a new low or possibly a high... Yeah that is right I am putting my better judgement aside and doing something that might honestly help me in the long run... Yay me!!! LOL.....

Official weight 183.2...uggggghhhh

Super pissed I am officially only 6 pounds lighter than when I started not good...not good at all... time to work harder and smarter this new year and make a promise to myself to make this change for life. After I am completely finished with the 6wbmo I will adapt those eating styles to my life and alter the foods but still eat 6 small meals a day. Been doing alot of research and that is the best way to lose weight. Seems so odd doesn't it...

Oh well....
Exercise: 1/5/11 - chopped wood for 25 minutes...
Never made it to the treadmill but I will manage today....

Eating:
On plan- 99 % oh yeah I Cheated with a tiny Hershey kiss and 2 tsp ketchup for my meatloaf and 1 1/2 tsp sourcream for my potato...

I decided I will make small adjustments with condiments as needed this go around.
Okay Good Morning Everyone and I will talk to you later

Not what I expected Today!

Alright I know I promised the big weigh in today but got running late this morning and had an impromptu run to Fairbanks this afternoon for the hubs. So needless to say I was not 100% on plan today I was 50%. Started out awesome and then with the trip to the Banks it is hard to eat super healthy with 3 small children all wanting Taco Bell......

So 100% on plan tomorrow and will post the weight.

The hubs is not as bad as we thought, he didn't break his tailbone he just sprained/strained his ass........lol.. I find this very funny yet not. Poor guy landed on a boulder while we were sledding. Told him I could lend him an ass cheek from now on and he would be fine. He said hell ya....lol.....I see the benefit for both of us in that deal....

oh well... another day here we go.......

Here we go again!!

Wow can't believe it has been since September since I last blogged and honestly I think I need to do this to keep myself accountable. As you may have guessed I have gained 12 pounds of the 17 I lost last year back...Sad....I am so completely mad at myself I don't even know what to say.

I am human after all and like so many other weight lossers out there. I truly thought I could keep it off last year and I tried, I tried super hard. I ate on plan for over 4 months and lost 17 pounds then we when on Vacation and I started eating more normal, not bad just normal, still at child size portions but slowly the weight has creeped on. and I have come to realize that I might be this way forever but maybe not.

So I decided it was time. Time to make a change for me. I felt so wonderful last summer mentally and physically. My hubby tells me all the time I am beautiful just the way I am and I don't need to do anything for him... But this isn't for him. This is for me... me alone.... I think I am going all out this year and will be posting my weights on the blog I will start weight blogging tomorrow and I officially start eating on plan tomorrow too. Gotta get all prepped today and 6WBMO says start on a Monday... But I will post measurements and weight tomorrow... Can't believe I'm gonna do this to the entire Internet......I have also decided that i must log in and track my exercise online/blog as well. This was my downfall I have all the tools here in my house.. I have the treadmill, eliptical and thanks to all my guys the Wii Fit now...(super excited) and cazilleons of tapes.....No excuse not to be working out but when I stopeed walking this summer, the weight started creeping on.

Wish me luck... I'm posting a pic from yesterday sledding.... it truly is just facial shots as I am in snowgear but I will be able to see the progress via the jowls.....lol...

Okay will talk to you in the am.....